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Sunday, February 12, 2006
God, I'm so tired of myself. I know You've just used me to speak to YiQi and Huiting, and Jolyne. I truly want You to use me to speak into their lives, telling them of how much You love them and want to change their lives. I really do want You to use me.
But I don't know why, I'm so tired. So tired of pleasing people, so tired of hearing negative comments when I step out in faith.
I don't know why I cried when i told YiQi and Huiting about Your love, but I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking through me. I don't know what's wrong with me though, why my heart feels wrenched, almost like something has died. I try to feel happy, I try to smile and everything, but after that, when I'm alone, I know I'm not, You know I'm not. I don't know why, what this burden in my heart is--or maybe it's the devil trying to hit at me for obeying Your voice.
hee. =) that cheers me up a little.
I remember last night at SNL, you showed me of this picture of Holy Spirit--a person. I was grabbing onto His arm telling Him to save me from the devil.
Because when God told me to obey, the devil was just behind me, saying, "nah, it's ridiculous, you can't do it. take my hand." But the Holy Spirit was just beside me, waiting for me to grab His arm.
So I said, "Help Holy Spirit! Help me obey God!", grabbed His arm, and ran all the way to obey God. Then, He helped me slay everything--the legions of demons--by the side.
Oh Lord, why? why do I have all these feelings that are unneccessary, so easily discouraged? Forgive me if I've given in to the devil by following my feelings. Help me to be joyful even if I don't feel like it.
God, will You teach me how to speak Swahili the same way You used Ken? Do use me, O Lord, I wanna do exciting things with You. Use me, let me experience more of You, in greater ways.
Tell me of Your Love for me again, as I tell others about Your love. I need to feel Your presence so strong again.
Am I being selfish, that I keep asking to want to feel Your presence? Holy Spirit, I'm not sure, I know I haven't really done great things for God recently, but I sure do need You.
Please replace the burden in my heart with singing. Let me feel Your presence with me wherever I go.
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Eveline pops at |11:37 PM|
Captivate my heart, dear Jesus
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------God, I'm so tired of myself. I know You've just used me to speak to YiQi and Huiting, and Jolyne. I truly want You to use me to speak into their lives, telling them of how much You love them and want to change their lives. I really do want You to use me.
But I don't know why, I'm so tired. So tired of pleasing people, so tired of hearing negative comments when I step out in faith.
I don't know why I cried when i told YiQi and Huiting about Your love, but I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking through me. I don't know what's wrong with me though, why my heart feels wrenched, almost like something has died. I try to feel happy, I try to smile and everything, but after that, when I'm alone, I know I'm not, You know I'm not. I don't know why, what this burden in my heart is--or maybe it's the devil trying to hit at me for obeying Your voice.
hee. =) that cheers me up a little.
I remember last night at SNL, you showed me of this picture of Holy Spirit--a person. I was grabbing onto His arm telling Him to save me from the devil.
Because when God told me to obey, the devil was just behind me, saying, "nah, it's ridiculous, you can't do it. take my hand." But the Holy Spirit was just beside me, waiting for me to grab His arm.
So I said, "Help Holy Spirit! Help me obey God!", grabbed His arm, and ran all the way to obey God. Then, He helped me slay everything--the legions of demons--by the side.
Oh Lord, why? why do I have all these feelings that are unneccessary, so easily discouraged? Forgive me if I've given in to the devil by following my feelings. Help me to be joyful even if I don't feel like it.
God, will You teach me how to speak Swahili the same way You used Ken? Do use me, O Lord, I wanna do exciting things with You. Use me, let me experience more of You, in greater ways.
Tell me of Your Love for me again, as I tell others about Your love. I need to feel Your presence so strong again.
Am I being selfish, that I keep asking to want to feel Your presence? Holy Spirit, I'm not sure, I know I haven't really done great things for God recently, but I sure do need You.
Please replace the burden in my heart with singing. Let me feel Your presence with me wherever I go.
Eveline pops at |11:37 PM|