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Monday, January 22, 2007
I know before You teach them a Love that is not self-seeking and not rude, it will have to start with me.
My mummy asked me to fetch my brother from downstairs, I said, "can you do it yourself? I'm busy?"
"What do you think I'm doing, I'm also busy! I'm cooking for you! Just help me lar!"
"Huh. Okay lar. Later."
"Now lar! His bus is going to come in 5 minutes!"
"Wait!" (hear You whisper "go now") Wait, after I finish making this earring.
.
.
"Go down now! By the time I ask you to do, I might as well do it myself!"
"It's not as if the bus is gonna be there so fast! I see how long you must wait if you go down so early."
"I not angry one leh! Now you make me so angry! You are just like your dad! So selfish, only want to do things at your own time, don't care about other people!"
"Wait lar, I must keep these things first!"
"Next time I will not ask you to do anything. I'll do it myself!"
"I never say I don't want to go."
"I expect more from you. If you want to go to Africa, you surely are not prepared!"
... grabs keys and slams the door.
.
.
Ding Dong.
Oh. "Er, Ken, you so fast ah."
"Yea, why nobody fetch me?"
"Erm."
.
.
She was fuming when she came upstairs and started yelling somemore.
I knew I was in the wrong. I knew she was right about my selfishness.
But I went to play the piano instead.
It didn't help ease the burden in my heart. The sin burned in me.
"Go apologize."
But I still continued playing for an hour. Then, I came out of my room to eat dinner. I said, "Sorry, I knew I didn't obey immediately. I know slow obedience is disobedience. I'll try to obey you again next time."
"I'm still angry at you, yes I forgive you, but I'm still disappointed in you. You like that cannot go Africa. Go eat your dinner. Say sorry also no use."
I ate dinner myself. I know. What I said was crap, there was still pride. I knew I wanted Your blessing, that was why I apologized. No humility at all, just words.
"Ask her to pray for you."
So I went, wanting to talk to her, but she started complaining with plenty of frustration about me, my dad, the housework, teaching Ken, and nobody understands. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but You told me to zip it.
So I stared at her while she went on and on. You are one frustrated person. You must have no one to talk to for a while. Then she went back to her work and me to my piano again.
"Go ask her to pray for you."
I motioned her to go into her room with me. "What? Tell me now."
"Pray for me, I know you were right about me being selfish like Papa, not caring about people but doing things to my way. I know I'm wrong."
"I can't. Not now, I have too many things to do. And I'm too disappointed in you, I'll pray for you later at night. If I pray now, I'll cry. And I don't want to, I've been hurt too much..."
"No, God said now, He said He has something to speak to you first, then pray for me."
.
.
"God, you know all the work I have to do, and my husband only puts more pressure on me, only You understand me... and I forgive Eveline, that she never help me when I was in need...
[she cry I also cry *blows lots of toilet paper] ... I thank You that You care for me, and send so many people to help me..."
"God, I ask You to forgive me, that I have sinned against You, for making her work more of burden than a joy. Forgive me that I have disobeyed You, please forgive me, do not take away Your Holy Spirit or Your calling from me." [cry dao si]
"God I know the calling You have placed on her life, that You will not take it away. You know I don't mean to criticise her about it. I just want to teach her and correct her, not only spiritually, but to know how to take care of herself, so that when she goes to Africa, she will be prepared. Because when I was young, my mother never teach me, so I want to teach her all that I have learnt, especially in directions, so that she will not go there and fail, she will have wisdom. I know she, Rui Ping and Ken, will be all that You want them to be, not all I want them to be..."
Tonight is a good night. *Blows nose* :)
Sweet dreams.
*Hands you toilet paper* ;)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Eveline pops at |11:48 PM|
Captivate my heart, dear Jesus
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I know before You teach them a Love that is not self-seeking and not rude, it will have to start with me.
My mummy asked me to fetch my brother from downstairs, I said, "can you do it yourself? I'm busy?"
"What do you think I'm doing, I'm also busy! I'm cooking for you! Just help me lar!"
"Huh. Okay lar. Later."
"Now lar! His bus is going to come in 5 minutes!"
"Wait!" (hear You whisper "go now") Wait, after I finish making this earring.
.
.
"Go down now! By the time I ask you to do, I might as well do it myself!"
"It's not as if the bus is gonna be there so fast! I see how long you must wait if you go down so early."
"I not angry one leh! Now you make me so angry! You are just like your dad! So selfish, only want to do things at your own time, don't care about other people!"
"Wait lar, I must keep these things first!"
"Next time I will not ask you to do anything. I'll do it myself!"
"I never say I don't want to go."
"I expect more from you. If you want to go to Africa, you surely are not prepared!"
... grabs keys and slams the door.
.
.
Ding Dong.
Oh. "Er, Ken, you so fast ah."
"Yea, why nobody fetch me?"
"Erm."
.
.
She was fuming when she came upstairs and started yelling somemore.
I knew I was in the wrong. I knew she was right about my selfishness.
But I went to play the piano instead.
It didn't help ease the burden in my heart. The sin burned in me.
"Go apologize."
But I still continued playing for an hour. Then, I came out of my room to eat dinner. I said, "Sorry, I knew I didn't obey immediately. I know slow obedience is disobedience. I'll try to obey you again next time."
"I'm still angry at you, yes I forgive you, but I'm still disappointed in you. You like that cannot go Africa. Go eat your dinner. Say sorry also no use."
I ate dinner myself. I know. What I said was crap, there was still pride. I knew I wanted Your blessing, that was why I apologized. No humility at all, just words.
"Ask her to pray for you."
So I went, wanting to talk to her, but she started complaining with plenty of frustration about me, my dad, the housework, teaching Ken, and nobody understands. I opened my mouth to defend myself, but You told me to zip it.
So I stared at her while she went on and on. You are one frustrated person. You must have no one to talk to for a while. Then she went back to her work and me to my piano again.
"Go ask her to pray for you."
I motioned her to go into her room with me. "What? Tell me now."
"Pray for me, I know you were right about me being selfish like Papa, not caring about people but doing things to my way. I know I'm wrong."
"I can't. Not now, I have too many things to do. And I'm too disappointed in you, I'll pray for you later at night. If I pray now, I'll cry. And I don't want to, I've been hurt too much..."
"No, God said now, He said He has something to speak to you first, then pray for me."
.
.
"God, you know all the work I have to do, and my husband only puts more pressure on me, only You understand me... and I forgive Eveline, that she never help me when I was in need...
[she cry I also cry *blows lots of toilet paper] ... I thank You that You care for me, and send so many people to help me..."
"God, I ask You to forgive me, that I have sinned against You, for making her work more of burden than a joy. Forgive me that I have disobeyed You, please forgive me, do not take away Your Holy Spirit or Your calling from me." [cry dao si]
"God I know the calling You have placed on her life, that You will not take it away. You know I don't mean to criticise her about it. I just want to teach her and correct her, not only spiritually, but to know how to take care of herself, so that when she goes to Africa, she will be prepared. Because when I was young, my mother never teach me, so I want to teach her all that I have learnt, especially in directions, so that she will not go there and fail, she will have wisdom. I know she, Rui Ping and Ken, will be all that You want them to be, not all I want them to be..."
Tonight is a good night. *Blows nose* :)
Sweet dreams.
*Hands you toilet paper* ;)
Eveline pops at |11:48 PM|